last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
