He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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