She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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