I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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