...so i touched it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize