Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Someone shit on the floor
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got inside last night via doggy door
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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