Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
