Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize