When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
