East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
