Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
