We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
