I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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