The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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