Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
