there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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