he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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