this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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