oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
