when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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