I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
