I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
