Im at strip club and am horny
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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