can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
