There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
