i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
