Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
