yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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