I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
