does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
