Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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