My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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