dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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