Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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