my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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