How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sorry about my life...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
