Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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