hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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