he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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