we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize