Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
