You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
