i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
