So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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