my shit smells like andre
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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