I just made out with a guy for $7.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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