i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
