I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize