is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
