im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
