I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
