aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
