This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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