If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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