I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize