why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
