I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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