youre lurking in front of me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
