How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
