I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
