WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize