Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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