between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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