all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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