I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
