I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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