if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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