farters have to be the big spoon...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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