I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
