The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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