Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
