Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
